Finding the rainbows!
I often get envious of people who have strong and loving relationships with their parents. The sharp sting of a long life that will never be. My mother was taken away from me at such a young age, this proceeded to put a black hole into the universe I lived, changing it beyond repair, to which the effects I still encounter as an adult. When a child loses their stability, their loving mother, the world crumbles and suddenly I realize mothers are the concrete foundation our family was built upon. Without proper foundation the weather storms over the years have drawn rifts into the brickwork affecting relationships within the household, rippling out into the extended family, friends, and work. I often find myself wondering off, questioning if I am not parenting well enough, I have no direct comparison to what a mother should do or how it feels to have a relationship with a mum, does my daughter think I’m a good mum? The truth is I will never know as my daughter will only have me to use as a reference and my husband has never been in this situation, luckily.
It can be a lonely place to float in such uncertainty, to always question how I would be different if she had never left? would I be better? My parental figures while growing up did not exactly demonstrate your typical parental stereotypes, and if anything has shown me how NOT to behave. Which is a sad realization when your main drive as a role model to be the polar opposite of your own experience! My husband parents are extremely supportive, my main network when times are unsteady, and honestly, do not know where to begin to thank them for everything. Their relationship with my daughter is amazing and she is so lucky to have a special bond but no matter how strong their bond is, it is hard to not have someone understand to have walked a mile alongside you on the same road. It may have taken many years for me to grasp my footings of motherhood but the confidence the online community has provided me as a mother is immense!
No matter what is happening around you or where you are in motherhood stage if you look there is another parent going through the exact same thing! Finding parents on social platforms such as Instagram and Facebook has allowed my limited network world to become a large, evergrowing support network that I can turn to when the road is rough. I’m not saying any of us have it figured out, there is no right or wrong answer but we have each other's backs. A shoulder to cry on, a (virtual) hand to hold and laugh tears of joy at all the wonderful things us mothers endure, just be careful not to laugh too hard because which mother can remember their pelvic floors every day! I feel half the battle when it comes to parenting, and life, in general, is surrounding yourself with the people who lift you up raising your self-esteem and expectations, not negative opinions and manipulation. Once you remove these barriers from your life I'm not saying everything will become sunshine and clear skies, but there will definitely be rainbows! Having a solid network with a supportive partner and friends, online or in person can really contribute to an individuals wellbeing resulting in happy parenting, happy life and happy you!
