Raising a technology tween
I have always been a firm believer that my daughter has a mind of her own and is entitled to make her own decisions, within reason, of course, if she told me that she was bringing home 100 stray cats and staying up all night playing renditions of its a small world to them then that's a big no-no! On the other hand, if she told me she didn't like a certain outfit, going on holiday with her grandparents or a dislike of a shopping center (you get the idea) I would take her input and value it as a human being. I would like to think I'm a relaxed parent and if I'm honest I may have gotten quite cocky at having a well behaved, well-mannered child. I cracked it was a doddle, good school reports, tidies her room and when bedtime came she was out like a light! don't get me wrong no child is an angel there are incidents of drawing on the walls and squabbles with cousins and protests over sprouts but nothing major overall she's 'good kid'.
But then...somehow overnight this innocent little girl changed, this isn't to say she not a good girl anymore she still has an incredible caring nature that loves the world but as she's growing her priorities seem to be changing. Where once there was nothing she would love more than her dad to sit at the end of her bed telling her stories of brave princesses and lost treasure she now prefers to watch youtube and gaming videos. I personally am not against technology and think it does have its place in this modern world but I feel it can have huge influences on our children's behavior.
I'm not talking computer games turned my child into a murderer here, just things like it is so easy to become addicted to an online life. In a world where you are connected with a push of a button to hundreds of thousands of people is pretty big and scary but can also be exciting and educational. Technology now is engaging, ever changing and adapts to our interests and abilities and as long as you keep a close eye on what your child is playing and engaging in can be a safe environment.
Roblox is a huge contender in our house and you may have heard about it or even more likely had your house taken over too! We make it a priority to drill into Roses' head that she does not ask personal questions, does not reply to personal questions and if it does not feel right to tell me or her father and leave the game. She's quite good at this and once or twice has said ' muuum! someone asking for my real name so I left the game'. Over time I have noticed how this Roblox world has become a go-to dream place for her tween dreams, there are fashion shows, prom nights and high school all things she looks up to in her older cousins and In a way its kind of humorous, as I hear moaning about having to go to school yet in her spare time she will sit on this game filling out English tests and music lessons!
Recently it has become a huge obstacle to our family lifestyle, the day's plans are always accompanied by a how long until we're home and can I go on the computer when we get in. Part of me wants to give in and just let her live on the computer where she's quiet, isn't causing mess and disruption but then a huge part of me is preying computers never existed!
Like an epiphany, I came to realize my real issue is not with technology but with the connection. I have not evolved with my child and as she changes so does our bond. As a child, we were thicker than thieves but now I have come to realize that I don't know her and this is why she wants to be in the online world because she has bonded and connected with virtual reality. We are now at a stage where mum isn't cool, she would rather not open up to me and be honest it quite embarrassed at the thought of me knowing any details about her life.
Upon realizing how distant I have become from my own child I was horrified and began to scour the internet for ways to re-connect with my tween and put them to work straight away! Don't get me wrong I am not completely revamping my style because my style is unique to me, that's what makes me mum, but at this stage, I'm willing to take any advice an roll with it! So this morning with a hop skip and a jump I serenade Rose with a jolly ' good morning, good morning, you slept the whole night through...' It's a guaranteed way to make her smile even though she says I'm the most annoying parent EVER!! Once awake that's where the true plan comes into action and what better way to test my new found advice than a daily parent-daughter conflict of getting ready and out the door in time for school! No matter what time we were up we always seem to be in a rush and conversation like the following were a given fact!
Mum: Rose will you concentrate and get dressed! Rose...I aaaam!! (rolls eyes as she slowly pulls up her tights) ..few minutes pass as she is still walking around the house in knickers and tights Mum: Rose PLEASE!!! Rose: Ugh MUM I AM!....(then throws a tantrum at me moaning and pestering her resulting in being slower than she was!)
This morning, however, I chose to change my tone, Instead of me yelling which is an easy hole to fall into I realized this isn't going to get her attention and isn't the correct way to deal with a situation. If I was mad at my partner, work college or friend I wouldn't shout at them I would speak to them like an adult address the situation and resolve it. So simple things such as changing Rose Please to a simple explanation highlighted the urgency of why the task should be completed. Instead of raising my voice as eyes are rolled in my direction and sassy words thrown at me I would simply reply with a...try again. This worked wonders and just simply repeat until it sinks in your looking for a polite response as to how can I expect my tween not to sass me if all I give her is an attitude. My aim is not to find common ground and work more to her terms to make myself available, adaptable and maybe just a little less embarrassing!
This may be a very obvious thing to some people but I feel each journey is your own and each path leads our own way. This is one of my hurdles that yes hasn't cured Tweens and will not end world hunger but for me just maybe it may stop me going prematurely grey a little bit sooner!
If you have any tips, advice or funny tween stories I would love to hear them, maybe we can all cry into a glass of wine while having a mummy breakdown together!
