Top tips to battle low self-esteem and puberty in tweens and teens.

To quote a famous Disney icon, to grow up would be an awfully big adventure, and they were not wrong. In today's society, our tweens and teens have an astonishing amount of pressure to be the perfect model. This is often referred to as the Barbie doll syndrome, much to my personal disagreement as Barbie was so much more than her looks, she was an astronaut, a vet, a fashion artist and so much more yet most people still see her for her silhouette. Recently I have been put in a position where I needed to take a long hard look at myself, and the way I express my opinions and mannerisms and how it is affecting my tween. After my 9 year-old physically started shutting herself down to the outside world, covering her body and being uncomfortable around friends and family, my parental alarm bells began ringing. At first I brushed it off as, oh she's just being awkward not wearing socks, wanting to keep her tights on (even when it was 25+ degrees outside). After one of our many arguments about how it's too warm, and she needed to go find some summer clothes in her wardrobe, it was actually my husband that suggested maybe there was a bigger reason for her behaviour. I was stumped, why had I not realized, I'm a terrible mother I should have seen, I should have asked! Propping myself at the foot of the bed, wiping the tears from her face with a soft and gentle voice I began to probe for information and what I found completely destroyed me! My little girl had suddenly turned into more of a teen than a tween than I had realized (in person, not age), trying to fight her own battles independently too ashamed to come to her own parents for help. So here are my top tips for assisting your teens through low self-esteem and puberty.

1. stop, observe and listen As I found out the hard way I did not pay enough attention to the small details and the slow change in behaviour. No parent is perfect, no human is perfect. If you notice a shift in your child's daily routine such as the clothes they wear, their behaviour just sit down and give them your full undivided attention then listen to what they have to say. I often find if my daughter has anything she wants to say to me it's usually as I am tucking her into bed or on our walk home from school. 2. remember this is their feelings and their life when experiencing such vast changes in the human body around the time of onset and during puberty, a mix of hormones are racing around their body making everything seem irrational and over exaggerated. What may be trivial and normal to you is the biggest life-changing experience for our children and is very unnerving making them often fearful and embarrassed. Be patient and empathetic to their emotions trying to see things from their point of view. 3. identify and repair try and identify where the insecurities originated and what negativities are being held on too and how you can help the road to recovery. After finding a list in my child's bedroom of all the things she hated about herself such as; hairy legs, short finger, hair etc. I took it upon myself to make her a list of all the things I liked about her body, explaining how beautiful she is to me in a way she doesn't see, inside and out. This really helped her to understand what she felt insecure about such as freckles on her cheeks I and others will find make her looked sun kissed and glowing, beautiful. 4. Your mannerisms and behaviour. Looking at the way peers, role models and adult express themselves around our children can be a huge key to preventing low self-esteem during childhood and their life in a whole. If a child has grown up hearing others complain about eating badly, counting carbs, complaining about their body shape the likeliness of imitating and influenced behaviour is dramatically increased.

5. be honest, open and prepared! When it comes down to fear, nobody likes the unknown especially when it involves our bodies and our future. The best way to tackle this fear is to be as open as possible, and appropriate to the issues at hand. Talking about the changes that will or have happened, explaining the emotions and help you can provide as well as assuring it is normal, that each girl or boy will experience changes to their appearance, feelings and even voices just not all at the same time is reassuring and can ease the anxiety towards the future. For girls especially making a puberty kid available will ensure a form of comfort and preparation for the big day! A puberty kit is a small basket or shoe box, inside you can put sanitary towels, small hot water bottles, relevant books or magazines, sanitary cleaning products and then if you chose some home comforts that all women crave during a period like a chocolate bar, hot chocolate etc.